There was this 90 day plan I had formulated about a month and a half ago and it has not gone at all as planned. I have really mixed feelings about it. This is the first time in what seems like years in which I have the opportunity to sort of see where the wind takes me and not have some set time frames. I’m not at all used to it. In fact, it’s totally outside of my comfort zone. When I do actually do something, like get up at what used to be a normal time for me, even four months ago, it feels oddly refreshing. Like an old part of myself that I have missed. Then I plot ways of getting this feeling into my life again. It starts out so innocently and then before you know it I’ve constructed a schedule, one that the Army would be impressed by, and shake my head.
Why do I do this you ask? Because deep down inside I am a type A personality who likes schedules, to do lists, and structure. In a world that is uncertain, it’s safe, it’s comfortable, it allows me to feel in control and makes me not want to run. Even though scheduling in a marathon training plan was in my head this morning as part of my plotting.
So, here I am, finally, sitting down and writing for the first time in what feels like ages and taking a stab at my 90 day plan…I’m thinking of resurrecting it starting tomorrow morning. I’ve started on several projects, sprained my ankle, gone on some hikes, started dating, gone camping, ate some great food, made some great food (and a not so good cake-very disappointing), watched a movie in a cemetery, painted my apartment, and more in the last month. But as my ankle is still not fully recovered and I have wood throughout my living room and dining room it feels a little chaotic. Not to mention the fact that my to do list hasn’t gotten much shorter. I still have not sent anything to A & I to be developed and I’ve been meaning to for weeks. My walls feel naked.